Newsflash: Kids think in a weird fashion! Children’s thought processes vary significantly from adults, as we all know — they do not form linear memories like us, they do not make decisions keeping anyone’s but their interest in mind and they never think about tomorrow. Heck, if they’re given a choice between a piece of Skittle now and two big pieces of brownie after dinner, guess which one they will choose. (Clue: mine will always choose the S instead of the B. Always.) So, it follows that sometimes kids will say things that will confound, exasperate, embarrass or crack up a parent, in public, with any luck. Some recent gems from our household:
We are eating breakfast which features toast and sauteed peas. Papa also happens to be engrossed in the newspaper. Unglam Boy2 (R) sweetly addresses father a couple of times to say that he loves him. Father fails to hear (don’t ask me how). R turns to the only receptive audience and states, very seriously, “Mama, I love papa and papa loves PEAS!”
Unglam Papa and I are watching one of those Nostradamus predicted apocalypse type documentaries on NatGeo. Unglam Boy1 (V) is in the room but is seemingly oblivious to it until the commentator says something about the world ending in 2060. V’s ears perceptively perk up. He calculates that all might not be so well 48 years from now.
“Mama, they’re saying the world will end in 48 years! I’ll be 54 years old and you’ll be dead by then!
“I’m frantic: How can I redeem this?! It must be so traumatic for him to think the world will end! That he will lose his mother! He thinks I will abandon him any time! But he’s 6 so I can’t patronize him! Ack! Make light of it, yeah!
In my calmest tone I say,”Pfft, I won’t be dead in 48 years! I will always be here for you.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will be dead. You’re old. Hey, where’s my Spider-man sketch?”
Well, oh-kay then.
On a random car trip, a sentimental me: “V, you’re growing up *sob*. You won’t even have time for me when you’re 10. I hope you will still love mama!” “Of course. I’ll always love you.”
“Will you love me when you’re 20?” “Yes.”
“How about when you’re 25?” “Yeah.”
“When you’re 30 and have your own wife and kids?” “Um, no. I’ll be too busy.”