I just thought I’d write about what my husband means when he says something, and how it’s completely different to what I mean when I say the exact same thing. I’m not saying he’s wrong or anything, just noting the reality objectively.
“I’m going to take a nap”: 5 minutes later, zzzz. He’s not picky about his area of slumber, he’s not fussy about the current noise level in the house. He lays underneath a blanket, covers his head, and is fast asleep within minutes, no matter that the kids are holding a loud jousting tournament 5 feet from him, heedless of a very real threat of being poked accidentally by their swords or being crushed under the weight of a slain knight.
“I’m taking a nap”: I start to walk upstairs to the solitude of my room, stopping at every step to pick up sundry items such as dirty socks, lonely stuffies, miscellaneous bottles of chest rubbing ointment, cough medicine etc. On the landing I notice that the laundry is waiting to be transferred into the dryer. Upon opening the dryer for said transfer it is apparent that it will first have to be emptied to accommodate new items. Lug dry, wrinkly clothes to the spare room catching sight of the upturned bed in the kids’ room. Think I’ll get to that later all the while knowing I can’t sleep with that tornado image in my mind. Spend 5 minutes completing laundry and bed-making chores. Finally get to my room switching off the bathroom light on the way (why is it on in broad daylight?!). Barely snuggle in, before “mamaaaaa!”
“All ready to go?”: The kids are ready. We are ready. Time to head out. Pick up keys, head to the car, back it out the garage.
“All ready?”: Everyone is ready, so get to the car. Oh, forgot to pack snack. Run back inside and pick up a few ready-to-go items. Run back to car. “Mama, we forgot water!” Run back again, fill up a couple water bottles, run out. Ooh, it’s a bit chilly, I’ll pick up our jackets in a sec. 10 minutes later, finally back out of the garage, with the kids’ seat belts undone again because it took so long.
“I’ll get the kids ready for bed”: Come on, boys, time for a shower. 5 minutes of incessant prodding later, “baby, can you make them come upstairs?” Done. After, I ask, “did you brush their teeth?” “They did it themselves.” “Did you put lotion?” “Who needs lotion?!” “Did they use the bathroom?” ‘They said they didn’t have to go.” Oh Kay.
She Said: Self explanatory. It takes me twice as long to get them into bed. I wonder why.
“I’ll make dinner today”: (Mostly) delicious dinner made and served. Counter top left cluttered and dirty (to be fair, he only offered to make dinner). Sink piled to bursting (again, I have dishwasher duties because of my own OCD).
I never actually say those words since he only says them occasionally. When I cook, though, I cook, I put away and clean the counter, I run the dishwasher, I usually sweep the kitchen floor, I change the dish towels, lower the heat for the night (our thermostat is located in the kitchen), and then I’m done with the dinner.
“I’m sick”: He’s not the moaner-, groaner-when-sick type of person, but if the husband is sick he takes a pill and goes to bed for the day. He rests it out, in the actual manner of the phrase, which is a good thing because then he can get better sooner.
“I’m sick”: The connotations of this depend on the day of the week. If it’s on the weekend, I do get to actually rest without much disturbance, the few interruptions are expected and not wholly unwelcome. Unfortunately, on a weekday, it is a mostly foolish utterance that makes the kids extra clingy and needy, and only serves to create a despondent atmosphere in the house which, in turn, fosters more than usual whining, bickering and ASB (attention seeking behavior). Thus, I’ve learnt it is better to fall sick on a weekend even though it means suffering for two days before being able to seek medical attention.
There are more He/She Said scenarios, obviously. I’m definite it goes both ways, as well. He plans all vacations top-down. He performs 100% of the financial duties of the household. He remembers things that we need from the store other than what’s on the grocery list. But all that is hard to think about amidst the snores emanating from the couch in the middle of the day.