I have a beautiful (not) accessory to show for the wonderful sleep (not) I get many nights — permanent dark circles under my baggy eyes. I have heard urban legends about parents whose babies have been sleeping through the night since they were 6 weeks old (the infants, probably not the parents themselves). I’m not sure what set of DNA my kids were born with, or if this is somehow my fault, but the marathon night nursing sessions of early babyhood have now been replaced by night time musical beds in our household. For those unbelievers among you, yes, my boys are now 7 and 4 and they still do not sleep through a typical night without some sort of half-waking game of ping pong. Except, our game is played between 4 players (2 unwilling) of varying ages spread over 2 bedrooms and 2 queen-sized beds. And there are no hard and fast rules; final configurations vary each night depending on who wakes up to pee, which parent is being favored at a point in time, and maybe the cycle of the moon. Here’s how:
We all start off sleeping in our own beds. The boys share a room and a queen bed. Their bedroom and ours are separated by a short corridor, all doors remain unlocked.
The reasons for the kids waking up remain unconfirmed. How they sense the requisite parent has moved from their vicinity also remains a mystery.
More often than not, UnglamPapa wakes up ALONE in a queen bed while I get to be the lucky recipient of morning hugs and kisses. Which wouldn’t be quite so bad if I hadn’t been pummeled by those same bodies ALL night. I also mostly wake up wedged between them ostensibly to avoid an even earlier awakening by the boys kneeing each other awake. So my subconscious probably doesn’t get much rest either.
As if just the stretch marks and wobbly bits weren’t enough. Maybe raccoon eyes will become fashionable one day, and then I’ll be top contender for a ramp model.